Have you ever wanted something really, really bad? And have you ever gotten that thing and then had to say no because it's the wrong time? I waited my whole life for this thing. When I saw it was within my reach, I was very conflicted. It was what I always wanted, something I knew would make me happy. But it was the wrong time, the complete wrong time for it. I had to deal with the euphoria of having it so close, but I had to push it away.
It's a tough feeling. Sometimes I go back to the moment when I had it, just to remember what it feels like to have a lifelong dream realized. I remind myself often and tell myself it will happen some other day, when I'm ready. Because no way am I ready for this opportunity now. I couldn't take it. I'm still conflicted about it. I regret some days, but I know it was the right choice. It's a good thing in theory, but giving that dream up for now was the best decision for me.
When I had that dream right in my hand, I felt like I was starting my life. Every second I felt conflict, though, because keeping that dream alive would not be good for me right now. And now that I gave that dream a rain check, I find I am even more impatient to start life and have that dream for real this time. I have dreams pretty often about it. I'm happy in those dreams. I feel like I was given a chance to taste it until it actually happens.
No comments:
Post a Comment