Why “Glee” is totally magical realism

In case you don’t know (it’s only a cultural phenomenon), “Glee” is a television show. It was created by the guys that did “American Horror Story” and “Nip/Tuck.” It takes place in Ohio in a dinky little school and focuses on a glee club, which I have since learned is another name for a show choir. I used to think it was a club for doing happy things together. Not really.  

1.   Students look older than teachers

Okay, so I know that getting child actors can be tough because you got to work around child labor laws (darn children!) but getting a 30 year old to play a 17 year old junior? Bizarre. And it’s not just one or two. I mean nearly all the students were played by 25 and uppers. Rachel Berry, main singer in the series? She started as a sophomore. She was 23 when they started filming. Not bad, I guess. The guy who played Mike Chang, Harry Shum Jr, was 27 at the beginning of the first season.

The freshman class!

I’m not saying this is a horrible thing (yet). But it’s weird. I know that a goal of the show was to make it as realistic and close to schools now, and that includes students that aren’t 24 and freshmen in high school. I was sexually attracted to Puckerman. I, a 16 year old girl, had a crush on an almost a 30 year old. Not only that, but when I went to high school after seeing this, I was majorly disappointed. Everyone in an actual high school of actual high school ages are puny and pimply and haven’t gone through puberty.

2.    I’m pretty sure it’s magical realism

Okay, I know that sounds crazy. This isn’t like mermaids and fairies and shit. But look at it this way. In the glee club, this one named New Directions (nude erections, let’s be honest),takes students who want to be stars or who feel rejected and gives them confidence and friendship. Well, there’s that first off. In high school. Okay, the magical part is when they sing. I know it’s a TV show. I know they’re trying to make money and sell tons of merchandise. I get that. But when you’re watching and students who have been practicing for a few days suddenly bust into a hugely choreographed Broadway showtune, you kind of get jarred. 

They're singing about getting your first period.

Here they are complaining about being pregnant or drunk or God-knows, and then they sing like perfect auto-tuned angels. There’s no way you are that good. I saw you yesterday, and you were shit. Especially in high school, that doesn’t happen. I’ve worked on plays for months and had them turn out little better than Carrie (the musical).

That has to be magic. Maybe it’s all a big metaphor. Making friends makes you great and confident and talented, but I’m sure that in actuality, Mr. Schuster’s kids are just as bad as they were when they began. So, long story short, club members are either blessed with perfect voices or purposefully horrible voices. I have stopped watching the musical numbers because we are inadequate.

3.   These people are treated horribly

If you’ve seen the show, you know how vindictive and mean the characters can be. Sue Sylvester insults people in very long (albeit funny) and well thought out sentences. I can’t remember the wording, but she told some poor boy that his nipples looked like they could be cream puffs if you dusted some powdered sugar on them. She has also told homeless people not to be homeless. She asked unattractive and fat people to stay home so she wouldn’t have to look at them. 

The worst part, though, is that everyone around her just accepts it. I’m telling you, this is a very corrupt version of our world. Sue gains tons of power. She made the principal a janitor and took his spot. She constantly screws up the glee club (but they always seem perfect, I don’t know why they get stressed) and is generally a meanie. Then there’s the evilness of those bullies.

4.   The bullies are horrible (and the school doesn’t care)

As part of being in a club where you perform in front of people, you are bullied. Mainly by football players (which is odd, because they perform in front of people, too) and the cheerleaders (who also perform!). You probably have or had a strict no bullying policy. You never saw blatant pranks happening in the halls, like dousing someone with a slushie (what’s up with the slushies?) or insulting them loudly. I’m sure it happens, but it would be a rare occasion. And when it did, they got in truble because they did it out in the open. In a hallway. During school hours. In a crowded place.

Maybe they had better things to do than their jobs.

Every time someone has acted out like that in my school they were punished. Conferences, suspension, expulsion, even the po-po. But here, the faculty doesn’t give a flying fuck. They let it happen. They don’t comment on it. I can’t sit there and watch people get publicly humiliated like that. It’s just total bullshit. I pressed a bagel with cream cheese to some guy’s face in elementary school and got in big trouble. And yes that’s a true story. Even at the most lax schools you don’t get away with that blatant bullying.

I know there's a ton more but I am stopping here because I want to. Comment if you agree or have any other ideas about this show. I think I got done with this show the minute there was a whole debacle over about a girl's fat mom.